Hail the Almighty God!

Who are you gonna turn to when your husband cheats on you?


Who are you gonna turn to when your company fires you?

Who are you gonna turn to when your family disown you?

Place your trust in him...

He will never forsake you...

The God of Gods...

The Almighty One...

Jesus

Yes...come to me my sons. Me is the Almighty God who created pigs, cows, mosquitoes, cockroaches and even Muslims. In short, me created eveything in the world. Me buried thousands of tons of gold on earth. Me placed billions of gallons of oil in the Middle East. Me created millions of carats of diamonds in South Africa.

Me placed so many riches in the world for you. If you need anything more, hot chicks, dumb blondes, busty babes, "Ask and you shall receive". Me will answer your prayers. Me said it many times in the bible, but me like the way me say it in Mark 11:24 the best: "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." You name it, me have it for you.

Me can give you so many many good things. All me ask in return is 10% of your gross income every month. Think of it as a starting point. You can feel free to give more and please give generously when they pass around the offering plate on Sundays. Me can answer any prayers but me can't give a cent to churches and me don't know why. All me know is me need your money, lots of your money.

So, please visit your local church today and give generously. Me thank all of you for your support!

Amen

*please call 1800-88-1988 for more info
*all calls are charged $100.00 per minute. Minors feel free to call because your parents will definitely not object to you calling God.

State-of-the-Art Facility to Reduce Rape in Malaysia

Sex crimes, incest and rape, just to name a few have always been a problem in Malaysia. Despite the Government's best efforts, the number of sex crimes in Malaysia is always on the rise. Malaysia, a country where the majority of its people are Malays, it is not surprising that the majority of sex crimes are committed by them. Boy rapes sister, father molests three year old girl, grandfather rapes grandmother, man rapes dog, you name it, and the Malays did it all.

PIG has recently obtained information that a new plan has been devised by the Malay politicians to reduce sex crimes among Malays. To learn more, PIG interviewed Datuk X (he insisted on his glamour name - X).

PIG: Care to describe more about the plan?
D-X: This plan can reduce sex crimes in Malaysia. It’s very difficult to effectively prevent this problem. You must understand that (Malay) men have high libido. Sometimes (we) find it very hard to control, well you know, cock overrules the head (chuckles). So it is absolutely necessary to train (Malay) men to control their sexual urges to prevent sex crimes.

PIG: Is this training a part of the plan? What training do you provide?
D-X: The training is conducted in a new state-of-the-art facility that we expect to be completed by 2015. The facility will contain sufficient activities that will discharge the sexual impulses of all (Malay) men that attend. For example, there is a Molester Room containing many prostitutes disguised as office ladies will be hired to work. In this room, (Malay) men will be able to enjoy touching the prostitutes’ bodies as they like. Also, there is a set of stairs in the Peeping Room in which prostitutes disguised as high school students wearing mini skirts will be walking up and down the stairs. (Malay) men will all be free to enjoy peeping using mirrors and cameras. This facility has been built based on the actual sex crimes committed by (Malay) men. Also, there will be rooms where (Malay) men can ‘rape’ the prostitutes.

PIG: Frankly speaking, isn’t this a kind of brothel for (Malay) men?
D-X: Some people do look at it like that, but this perception is incorrect. This is an epoch-making facility that will act as a vent for these (Malay) men by allowing them to actually experience various sex crimes, discharge their sexual impulses and prevent them from committing sex crimes such as molesting, peeping, underwear stealing, stalking and so on in real life. By providing this facility, we believe the number of sex crimes committed by (Malay) men will be greatly reduced.

PIG: Who are people you will put in this facility?
D-X: Sex offenders. Those who are caught committing sex crimes will be thrown in this ‘rehab’ centre. Hopefully, they will turn over a new leaf once they completed the training.

PIG: Wouldn’t this increase sex crimes instead? Everyone will commit sex crimes to get into this facility!
D-X: Nonsense. This facility is like a prison. Who in their right minds would want to go to a prison!

PIG: How much will it cost to build and maintain this facility?
D-X: Hm…the cost of building should be around RM20bil and about RM50mil to maintain annually.

PIG: That much? Are you sure this plan will be approved?
D-X: Since we have to make the ‘crime scenes’ as realistic as possible and we need to hire prostitutes and probably import foreign sex workers to increase the quality of this facility, the cost is absolutely necessary. Also, do consider that a large chunk of the money will be used to buy ‘coffees’. Ha, ha, ha…
Rest assured, this facility will definitely reduce and in time will effectively wipe out sex crimes in Malaysia.

PIG: I wish you all the best.
D-X: Success is guaranteed. We already have plans on how to reduce incest, such as hiring child prostitutes from Indonesia or Vietnam. I’m getting really really excited about this facility already!

Final thoughts:
PIG is not entirely convinced that this facility will actually reduce let alone prevent sex crimes. We do sincerely hope that this plan works. However, only time will tell.